At the same time, the past few years have seen my non-work social group dwindle. It’s not that I don’t have friends, but, as we settle down, we see less of one another. Several now live abroad, and plenty have moved to other parts of the UK. I miss having girlfriends to call for a quick coffee, or to meet after work for a drink.
All of which is why, one recent Saturday afternoon, I signed up to two websites: Girlfriend Social (girlfriendsocial.com) and Citysocializer (citysocializer.com). The idea is simple. You create a profile by uploading a photo, writing a biography and filling in your age and location. Then you search for potential friends. You can ‘add’ people who appeal, and send messages inviting them to meet. It’s online dating, for friendship.
Relatively new to the UK, ‘friendship dating’ is all the rage in the US. It makes perfect sense. As we grow up and settle into routines, opportunities to meet new people become scarcer. We already use the internet to find romantic partners. Why not friends?
That’s all fine in theory, but I’ve not gone looking for friends since university freshers’ week and find myself gripped by the same anxieties. I agonise over my profile picture and consider taking a selfie before deciding it’ll look too staged.
Scrolling through others’ biographies, I’m struck by the level of detail many go into. Some specify what they want friends for – coastal walks, or visiting museums. Others write about their pets and children. I keep mine fairly short, mentioning a few interests – yoga, eating out, running – and explaining my reasons for signing up.
Profile done, there’s nothing for it but to start contacting potential friends. Swallowing my doubts – and fears of being rejected – I ‘add’ half a dozen women on each site.
I’ve resolved to be open-minded and have just two criteria for my choices: they must look friendly and we should have one shared interest. By evening I’ve received a response, from a woman on Girlfriend Social who recently relocated from New York. I reply, gushing about how much I love the States, but then hear nothing back. I’m surprised by how hurt I feel.
Still, I persevere for a few days and by midweek, I have plans to meet three women. I feel both pleased and extremely nervous. It feels, somehow, as though there’s more at stake than there would be with a romantic date. I worry that I might disappoint, or run out of things to say.
Thankfully, that doesn’t happen. The auburn-haired figure with the shy smile is Johanna, a 32-year-old mature student I message on Citysocializer, and my first friendship date.
At first my nerves get the better of me and I go into interview mode, peppering her with questions. After an hour, conversation is flowing more naturally – though, saying goodbye, my nerves return. Are we meant to make plans to meet again? Thankfully, Johanna takes the lead. She mentions that she’s organising a group get- together for Citysocializer members, and invites me to come. It feels like a safe middle ground, and I’m grateful.
By the time I meet my second date, Juliana, a 36-year-old barrister I come across on Citysocializer, I feel like an old hand. Perhaps that’s why, from the moment she walks into the Italian restaurant where we’re having dinner, I’m at ease. Or perhaps it’s just chemistry. Whatever, we click.
I was quite nervous about meeting for a whole meal – there’s no easy get-out in the way there is for a coffee. But we linger for nearly three hours. Juliana’s reasons for joining the site are similar to mine. Once she reached her thirties, peers started settling down. She split from a long-term partner and lost friends in the process. Since signing up to Citysocializer last December, she’s met several women she sees regularly. As we leave the restaurant, we hug goodbye and promise to keep in touch. Walking away, I’m elated – even a little giddy.
After one week of friendship dates, I’ve learnt several valuable lessons. I’ve discovered that I’m not the only one who feels lonely. There are women out there who want to be my friend as much as I want to be theirs. It pays to put yourself out there – and risk rejection. I’ve also realised just how much I like people, and how easy it is to get on with them. Will my dates all become life-long friends? Who knows? But Johanna and I have been swapping links to blogs, and, as for Juliana – well, we’ve added each other on Facebook, and have a second date planned this week.
